When Cupid can't hit a bull's-eye

Love songs are ringing in your ears. All you can see is pink and roses. Your mouth tastes vaguely of chocolate. Romantic comedies are endlessly playing in your head (and on your Netflix feed). It’s that time of year again. And you are once again hopelessly, utterly and completely single.

This Valentine’s Day, say “no” to eating self-loathing Chinese food in bed. Being single does not mean you have to hide from the holiday; it means you can bask in the glory of a day dedicated to love. And who needs love more than you do? Since you aren’t morally obligated by an essentially corporate Hallmark holiday to spoil someone else, why not spoil yourself? Singles, this is your day.

10:00 a.m. -It’s go time! Since it’s Saturday, you can let yourself sleep in a little, but now it’s time to wake up and seize the day. Do you have a mirror? Do yourself a favor and give that person a big, fat, good morning kiss. Because that person is you, morning breath shouldn’t even be a problem.

10:15 a.m. - You’re dressing for a very special person today. Wear a dress; put on that cherry red lipstick. Boys wear a bowtie,and for love’s sake, comb your hair.

10:45 a.m. - Although a surprise breakfast in bed is difficult when you’re both the person making it and eating it, a heart-shaped pancake eaten at the table is a great substitute.Overachieving romantics can even adorn it with strawberries, whipped cream or chocolate chips that spell out “I love you.”

11:00 a.m. - Surprise yourself with a coffee.Lattes can very easily pass for the language of love.

11:30 a.m.- While sipping a warm drink, write yourself a few love-filled letters. And yes, use bad metaphors. Do not shy away from employing 10 different synonyms for beautiful. Maybe even misquote Shakespeare. You should most definitely compare yourself to a summer’s day.

12:00 p.m. - Life is like a box of chocolates. Today is your box of chocolates. So give yourself actual chocolates. And that is all I’m going say about that.

12:30 p.m.- Take yourself to a cute little Italian lunch. It’s better than dinner because you will hopefully avoid all the couples who think Valentine’s Day is for them (as if!) At said lunch, don’t shy away from garlic bread. An advantage of being single is getting to eat all kinds of stinky food.

2:00 p.m.- Follow up lunch with a romantic walk. Muse at the sky,or trees.. Tell yourself “I love you” and feed ducks. Maybe you’ll find inner peace. Maybe you’ll get cold and go inside.

3:00 p.m.- It’s not #MCM or #WCW, but St. Valentine (probably) died so you could Instagram in his honor. Find your best selfie and post it along with a heartfelt message about how much you love you.

5:30 p.m.- Within the life coach and self confidence guru stratosphere it is common knowledge that reality TV can heal even the deepest insecurities. If you think you have a bad personality, just spend an evening with Kim Kardashian or Spencer Pratt. No matter how much of a mess you think your single existence is, at least you lead life with more purpose than tanning, gossiping, complaining and creating constant drama. Heck, you even have a personality that is essentially likeable. Why wouldn’t you want to love your self?

#humor #Issue21415